When heaven couldn’t wait for one angel

I’ve always wondered why God created death. If in God’s mind all things work together for good, just what is the purpose of death, sorrow and pain. Why does He allow the wicked to prolong their lives in their wickedness and the good ones to vacate the earth, like this wasn’t their premise. Like as if the wicked people reign and being good has no reward. If you’ve been affected by death, I know you’ve more often than not asked these questions and so many more.

I’m grieving. I never thought at this time again someone else dear to me will be no more. So am writing this letter to her to assist me get over this trauma, help me try to understand how life can be short.

Dear Nyanya,

Never at one time did I imagine, or did any thought of losing you cross my mind. I wish it did, because it would have assisted me cope with the reality of losing you, it would have made me strong to handle this news. I guess it’s cause you were always as strong as an ox, always up and down making sure that everything and everyone is okay. Always up doing business, reading despite your old age. I still remember the second last time I saw you, that novel that you gave me to read. It’s just hit me as am writing this, I wanted to ask you whether you finished it. How was it? What did you learn from it? I’ll make sure I take it as a souvenir, God should have extended your time at least we have a conversation of what the book was all about.

You always loved to read and write. I admired the strength and the diligence you put into studies. I’ve always asked mum whether I got that gene from you. That curiosity with books and stuff. The fact that you were made it on the first page of a newspaper because of studying is admirable to me. Up to now that memory makes me work hard, makes me realize that I can do something bigger than myself, that I have the power to shine. I remember how you’d always make me teach you English and then you’d pay me. You always believed in rewards even though I would decline, you would always insist. One thing I regret though is that I took time to come back. I always said I would come back and teach you some more but I didn’t. Please forgive me for that. Sometimes weeks become months, then years. And this bogus job that I have which demands so much of me with little pay. I wish the cash was good then at least you would have seen the benefit of me staying away for so long. At least you would see me in form of presents, though you never cared so much for such stuff.

And your hair. You always insisted that I plait it when I came over. Four lines was all you liked and you would take a look at yourself in the mirror, your eyes sparkling like a 10 year old. Very excited by your great look. I often wondered why you allowed me to do it despite the fact that am not that great in plaiting. Like that other time you made me braid you. They came out horrible, but you insisted that they were perfect. So perfect that you paid me a hundred shillings for them. I was just 18 years old, my goodness and that cash was a lot for pocket money. LOL

Wow, writing this letter has made me remember a lot. It has made me appreciate a lot of things in life. Really increased how much I admire you and your strength. I want to be like you when am old and I have my grandchildren and great grand children around me. I want them to always go home with so much and love being around me more than being at home. You never lacked , never at one point were you stranded even when things were at stand still. Your hands were super blessed. How were you able to keep cash for long without using it? I wish I asked you the secret. Its one trait that I don’t have, has made me not save for so long, always procrastinating. You always had means of making money, and whatever you did always increased.

But you fooled me nyanya. You always got over things. Tough things. Crazy things. Painful things. How could this have overtaken you? When we talked, you sounded like it was just  a flu, a small thing that I shouldn’t worry about. Well, you’ve made me now cautious of the small things but its a lesson that I’ve learnt in such a painful way. I wish I was learning it through an ant passing by or a cockroach. I’ve lost you just when I thought I was going to  see you again, stronger, better, smiling as usual, always concerned about people’s affairs. But you are in a better place now, I know you are happy, you are smiling, you are watching over us, taking care care of our business as usual only this time you have the means to do it. I regret that I never told you this, but I loved you and admired you in every single way. I hope you accept my apologies from the depth of my heart. Last but not least, I’ll try and know how to make doughnuts just the way you did it. I don’t think you ever knew this but I totally hate cooking however, for this reason I will attempt to make this one of the things I cook well. Please help them turn out well each time I cook.

Keep smiling. Till we meet again.

Love,

Harriet